Selective hearing and other toddler superpowers

They can hear a biscuit wrapper from three rooms away but not "shoes on, please" from three feet. The development behind toddler listening, and the small changes that get you heard.

Selective hearing and other toddler superpowers

They can hear a biscuit wrapper from three rooms away but not "shoes on, please" from three feet. The development behind toddler listening, and the small changes that get you heard.

By Motherhood · 6 min read

Every parent of a toddler has tested this. Whisper "chocolate" in the kitchen and a small person appears instantly. Ask them to put their coat on, five times, at increasing volume, and nothing. It feels personal. It almost never is.

Toddler "selective hearing" is mostly about how their brains handle attention, instructions and the world being extremely interesting. Understanding that makes it a lot less infuriating, and gives you some easy tricks that work.

Why they really aren't listening

Their attention is single-channel. Young children find it genuinely hard to split their attention. When they're absorbed in building a tower, your voice from across the room barely registers. It's not defiance; it's focus.

They need time to process. Toddlers take longer than adults to hear an instruction, understand it and switch tasks. If you repeat yourself straight away, they have to start processing all over again.

Long instructions get lost. "Go upstairs, find your shoes, bring your coat and wait by the door" is four jobs. Most two-year-olds will manage the first bit and then find something more interesting on the stairs.

"No" is a lot of fun to say. Testing limits is how toddlers learn about independence and where the boundaries are. Some not-listening is them working out what happens if they don't.

If they can't hear you, it's usually not because they're ignoring you. It's because the tower is more interesting than you are. For now.

Small changes that get you heard

Get close and get their attention first. Walk over, crouch down, say their name and wait for eye contact (or at least a pause in the tower building) before you say anything else.

One step at a time. "Shoes on." Then, when that's done, "Coat on." Short, specific instructions are much easier for toddlers to follow.

Say what you want, not what you don't. "Walking feet" works better than "don't run", because it tells them exactly what to do.

Count to five before repeating. Give them a moment to process. You'll be surprised how often they get there on their own.

Use when-then. "When your shoes are on, then we can go to the park." It's clear, it's calm and it gives them a reason to move.

Make it a game. Races to the door, a silly voice, a "can you get your coat on before I count to ten?" challenge. Toddlers are much more cooperative when they're having fun.

Notice the listening. "You put your shoes on as soon as I asked, thank you." Toddlers repeat what gets attention, so give it to the good stuff.

When it might be worth checking their hearing

Glue ear is very common in young children and can cause temporary hearing loss, especially after colds. Speak to your GP or health visitor if your toddler often doesn't respond when you call from behind them, turns the TV up loud, says "what?" a lot, has unclear speech for their age or you have any worries about their hearing or language. Ignoring is normal. Not hearing is worth checking.

You can read more about glue ear, including the signs to look out for, on the NHS website, and the NHS also has ideas for play and learning with young children.

Keep reading

Is it normal for toddlers to ignore instructions?

Yes. Attention, processing time and testing boundaries all play a part. Short, close-up instructions usually help a lot.

How many instructions can a two-year-old follow?

Many two-year-olds can follow simple one-step instructions and some two-step ones. Every child is different, so keep it short.

How do I know if it's a hearing problem?

If they don't respond to sounds they can't see, struggle with speech or often mishear you, speak to your GP or health visitor about a hearing check.

This article is general information, not medical advice. If you have concerns about your child's hearing, speech or development, speak to your health visitor or GP.

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